Finding Your Personal Style Over 40: From Experimentation to Refinement
When you enter the maze to find your personal style, there's a point in the depths of your experimentation phase when things can be very hit-and-miss. Sometimes you land the plane like a pro, and other times it feels like the wheels have flown off!
I've lived there, and yes, it's frustrating, but it's also very necessary. Without it, you can't get to the next phase, which is refinement.
But not all women make it through the trenches.
Some get so utterly frustrated and disheartened that they give up and retreat back to beige.
Others get stuck in the experimentation phase permanently because they don't know how to move into refinement, which, quite frankly, when it comes to style, is a lifelong practice.
Why?
Because you five years ago isn't the same as you now, so dressing exactly as you did back then will start to feel off. As you evolve, your style needs to evolve with you to keep it feeling aligned. So IMO the skill of style/outfit refinement is one worth honing!
Now, I don't want to be the person who spouts predictable tropes, but sometimes my alter ego, "Walter the know-it-all", takes over, and I have no choice!
So to the women who want to give up, Walter would clear his throat and say: “Rome wasn’t built in a day, dear, and you must remember style is a journey." (It is, but my goodness, this phrase gives me the ick.) So please don't give up. Keep going.
To those who are stuck in the hit & miss phase, I say: use every experiment, the good, the bad and the ugly, as a means to gather data. And then use that data to help you build style filters and identify your style markers over time. The filters help you recognise what's right for you and what isn't. And the markers are the elements that consistently make an outfit work for you.
Together, they give you the ability to consistently create outfits that deliver that F*CK YEAH pep in your step as you waltz through your day!!
Sidenote: We are emotionally impacted by numerous things; the world, hormones, and stress, to mention a few.
So I want to normalise something: even when you know your style well and are filtered up to the eyeballs, there are still times when you feel like nothing is vibing and you want to burn your entire wardrobe down!
Anyhoo, in this blog, I'm sharing real-life data from my re-entry into exploring my style, which I would say began to unfold slowly in late 2022.
Phase 1 – From Gym Leggings to Fine but Flat
This phase was in my early 40s. I got myself into a gym gear rut! That began when I became a personal trainer.
Initially, I was just wearing it for work, but it soon became my whole style identity, and I lost any connection to how to dress any other way.
The shift into the fine but meh era began when I stopped seeing clients in person, and I became an online life and relationship coach.
As someone who had been obsessed with style and fashion (I even got stuff made!) I had awareness of a dissatisfaction I felt with myself and my style. I wanted more, but took no immediate action. (Often what happens when you're on style autopilot and chugging along in life!)
Phase 2 – The Western Experiment
Are you a believer that everything happens for a reason? I am!
In 2022, after spending chunks of time out of the country, something happened that I'm not going into now (that's for another day and medium!), which grounded me in the UK and resulted in me taking a part-time job in a Vintage shop in Notting Hill.
Without being dramatic, the style-obsessed part of me woke up and was demanding to be expressed immediately. So the experimentation began.
And it took me to the middle of the wild, wild west!
At this time, I was still a bit lost when it came to what my style actually was. So I did what most of us do when we feel unsure. I let my admiration of other people's style lead the way (in this instance, the owner of the Vintage shop was my muse!)
Deep down, I knew copying someone else's style wasn't the answer, and yet I still found myself trying to replicate the boho/Western vibe of someone I thought looked cool and edgy!
Moving away from the safe and predictable era I’d been in for a few years, did feel like a step forward, but mostly I felt like I was wearing a costume. Because it just wasn’t really me.
Phase 3: Breaking Out of the Western Aesthetic
Eventually, the heavy-leaning Western looks began to feel really off. So I began to randomly mix things, recreating things I'd seen on Pinterest or in magazines.
This was my Carrie Bradshaw flower phase ( which I do love.) But these flowers were of poor quality, so they looked a tad like clown flowers!! I was enjoying the variety and had begun to gather data on my outfits using a process I created called DARRE = Document, Analyse, Repeat, Revamp, Eliminate.
Phase 4 – The Insight Moment
In this phase, I'd identified that contrast from juxtaposition dressing was something that really felt good for me, and I was beginning to get how to repeat the outfits that felt good.
There were still many misses. The outfit on the left, I really felt worked at the beginning of the day, but by 11am, I'd fallen out of love with it! (If you're interested, here's why: there was a pretty even split of sports vs feminine items, so instead of creating tension, they cancelled it out, and all just felt clunky!)
Phase 5 – Moving Towards the F*ck Yeah Era
Here, things were definitely in forward motion, and I loved these at the time, and they were giving a hell yeah, but not quite a F*ck Yeah! The outfits were definitely more me by this point, but something still felt slightly off and clunky!
Phase 6 – The F*ck Yeah Era
And this brings us tumbling into the best era - my F*ck Yeah era!
This is where things have clicked for me!
Because I understand the patterns and style methods behind what works for me, experimenting and refining my style no longer feels random.
This is the era where I know how to:
Layer like a pro and use this to create the silhouettes and outfit proportions that feel best for me
Create cohesive chaos and the perfect level of contrast for tension so outfits feel alive
Mix colours and patterns
Create outfits that lean into any aesthetic but still align with my personal style
Repeat all the F*ck Yeah outfits!
Dress for occasions as myself (nothing worse than going to something like a wedding and feeling uncomfortable becuse you're wearing something that just isn't you, right?)
And the best thing about this F*ck Yeah era is that it isn’t exclusive — everyone’s invited. But to get here, you need to do three things:
1. Experiment, experiment, experiment.
Be brave enough to try things and move beyond the safe and predictable.
2. Be the scientist of your style.
Gather data from your outfits and start noticing the patterns in what works and what doesn’t.
3. Learn style as a skill.
Understanding styling principles makes it much easier to repeat the outfits that feel amazing.
Final Thoughts
Even when you work with a stylist, there’s no shortcut to self-translation and uncovering your true style (ahem, I’m not talking about a variation of someone else’s style, I’m talking about your unique style), because that only happens over time through experimentation and refinement.
What a stylist can do, though (depending on how you’re working together), is help you identify your markers and start shaping your filters. They can be a sounding board, offer ideas you might not have considered, give honest feedback on your outfits and help you see patterns you’ve missed. They can give you direction and momentum when everything feels a bit hit and miss.
They can’t hand you a perfectly refined, final version of your style in one go, because that simply isn’t how this works. But they can absolutely fast-forward your learning, pull you out of a rut and help you move from random to more intentional.
The rest? That’s built over time.
Till next time
Sarah xoxo
PS: Need help figuring out your repeatable personal style? Check out how I can help here.
