Why Getting Dressed Feels So Stressful and Exhausting (When It Doesn't Need To)

Three wardrobes. Somewhere between fifteen and forty pairs of trousers, depending on whether you count the ones that technically don't fit well. A floor covered in rejected tops.

And you need to leave in forty-five minutes.

You try on the jeans that worked last week. They feel wrong. The black trousers are too serious. The dress is too much. Or not enough? You can't tell anymore because you've been staring at yourself for twenty minutes, and everything looks weird now.

So you change again. Different top. Same trousers. Hair down. Hair up. Jewellery off because it's too try-hard, then back on because you look half-finished without it.

And now you're late, sweating slightly, wearing something that feels like a compromise between three different people you're not sure you want to be.

The worst bit? You've got clothes. Loads of them. So, in theory, it "shouldn't" be sooo hard!

But it is.

And it doesn't even matter what you're getting dressed for. Could be a date. Could be drinks with people you haven't seen in ages. Could be a work thing where you actually want to be noticed. Could be nothing, just a normal Tuesday where you woke up wanting to feel like F*ck Yeah!

The event isn't the problem. The problem is you're trying to get dressed without any real sat nav directions!

Grab a brew and let's talk some more

You Might Assume You Have A Confidence Problem

You know those women whose style you really admire? The ones who always seem to look put together?

I bet you've thought at some point: they're so confident, getting dressed probably isn't hard for them. They probably don't stand in front of their wardrobe having a meltdown.

But they probably have. Or they did.

The difference now isn't that they're more confident. It's that somewhere along the way, they worked out what actually feels right for them. They've developed filters.

Because here's what's actually happening when getting dressed feels this hard: it's not just a confidence problem. It's a trust problem.

You don't trust that what you're putting on works. You don't trust your own judgment. And often, you don't actually know how to put together outfits that feel like you in the first place.

So you're standing in front of your wardrobe making a million decisions:

Does this work? Does it feel like me? Is it too much or not enough? Can I pull this off? Is it sending the message I want to send?

That's a lot before 9am. No wonder it's exhausting.

There's this assumption that some people are just born knowing how to be stylish. But styling is a skill. And like any skill, you build competence through practice and repetition.

The women whose style you admire have worked out what feels right for them. What they want to say to the world. How to translate that into outfits that feel like them and help them show up the way they want to in their everyday life.

They've built filters.

Now these aren't rules. (not in my world anyway)

Just things they know about themselves and what matches their personal style.

• Like, "I feel myself in combinations that have an unexpected twist!"

• "I feel good in outfits that have flow & movement"

• "I know if I wear all black, my outfits feel flat and boring, but if I wear these colour palettes, I feel amazing!"

• "I know I feel F*ck Yeah in a polished grunge aesthetic"

• "I feel best when my outfit proportions work like this and feel frumpy when the lines hit like this"

• "I love high-waisted trousers and feel frumpy and meh in anything low-rise."

• "When an outfit lands for me, I feel taller, at home, I have a bit of sass, I couldn't care less what anyone thinks because it feels so me!"

These markers act as a decision filter and are enough to stop an out-of-control, directionless spiral because you have a foundation you can strategically troubleshoot from.

They've developed styling competence by figuring out what works and repeating it.

And the more competent you become at putting together your fuck yeah outfits, the more confident you feel—because you trust that what you're wearing actually works for you. You love what you're wearing. So you go out into the world feeling good.

But you can't skip the competence part. You can't feel confident in something you don't know how to do yet.

But let's be real, they probably still have moments where nothing feels quite right. But most of the time? They've got a starting point that isn't the entire contents of their wardrobe.

And that makes getting dressed easier and reduces the amount of time you spend clearing up your floordrobe after a Tasmanian devil-style meltdown!

The Reinventing-Yourself-Every-Time Trap

When you don't have a filter, trying to get dressed in an outfit that feels good can feel like you're always starting from scratch.

And it's magnified and feels worse if something's shifted in your life.

Maybe stepping into a new role at work. Or you've been playing small at work, but have decided you're absolutely not doing that anymore and to show this by showing up differently.

Or perhaps coming out of a relationship where, looking back, you realise you weren't really showing up as yourself and that you lost yourself a bit. So you made this promise to yourself: next time, I'm just going to be me from the start.

Which is brilliant.

Except when you're standing in front of your wardrobe trying to dress like yourself, and create outfits that support the energy you want to show up in, and you're not actually sure what that looks like anymore!

So what do you do?

You slip into dressing for what you think you "should" look like. Or you end up wearing something which feels safe, but isn't actually you. So the outfit falls flat, you feel meh and don't feel f*ck yeah in the slightest.

Or worse, you know what you actually want to wear.

But then you talk yourself out of it because it feels too much. You swap the bold thing for something safer and edit yourself before you've even left the house. Which is exactly what you promised yourself you wouldn't do again.

The end result is you show up feeling discombobulated, a bit off and regretting your choices.

Does sound at all familiar? I can definitely relate.

You Don't Need More Clothes

So if you are in this place, here's a thing that actually helps: wearing the same things again.

I know it sounds ridiculously simple, right?

But seriously, the women whose style you admire aren't pulling something new out of thin air every time. They're wearing versions of the same thing.

• A silhouette they know works.

• A colour palette that makes them feel F*ck Yeah.

• The same accessories or leather jacket are on rotation because they just do something to every outfit that makes it work.

There's a girl I know who wears the same double leopard outfit recipe to every single first date!

She switches the shoes and accessories and sometimes adds a blazer, but that's it. She doesn't try to reinvent every time; she simply tweaks what already works, and off she sashays feeling great!

Not because the outfit is revolutionary, but because she's not wasting energy on whether it works. She knows it works and that frees her up to be herself and focus on whether she actually likes the person!

Personal style isn't about constant reinvention. It's about knowing a few recipes, doing them well, and learning to make small tweaks to change things up when you want to.

This Week's Style Mission: Repeat Yourself

This week, pick an outfit or an item you've worn before that felt good. Not just looked fine in the mirror, but actually felt good when you were out in it.

Wear it again this week.

Then wear it again, but change 1-2 things could be:

• Different shoes.

• Adding a jacket.

• Switching the top or bottom

• Different accessorises

The point is, you use an anchor item or foundation and build around it.

Something to Pay Attention to

Notice if you're editing yourself. If you're choosing items or combinations based on what you think other people will think, or what won't seem like you're trying too hard.

Ask yourself: Does this feel like me, or am I performing?

I want you to make sure you're dressing for your own approval only. Because the version of you that shows up in something you feel good in is a reflection of who YOU ARE, and is always better than the version of you that shows up in something chosen by fear or trying to win other people's approval.

What You Actually Need

If getting dressed currently feels like a small crisis every single time, you probably don't need more clothes.

You need to work out what your F*CK YEAH style markers are.

• What do you need in an outfit for it feel like you?

• What are the cuts, the colours, the proportions that make you feel good and like yourself instead of like you're wearing a costume?

That's what we start to figure out in a Style Power Hour. We look at what you're already doing, figure out why some things work and others don't, and build you a filter so you're not starting from scratch every time.

This is not about limiting you and is all about giving you a place to start that isn't the entire contents of your wardrobe spread across your bedroom floor. Floordrobes are funny but not fun! Find out more here.

From the Styling Chair: This Week's Outfit Autopsy

My beloved polka-dot top styled 5 different ways, but with some definite connecting throughlines.

The Anchor Piece: My beloved polka-dot top with the ra-ra sleeves!

Here’s how my F*ck Yeah Style Markers (aka my filters) translated into five outfits built around the same ruffle sleeve blouse:

• Tension
  Every outfit had some kind of sporty element (track pants, jersey, sweatshirt) paired with something unexpected, which brought a different energy, e.g., the skirts and feminine accessories play against the sports wear, as do the tailored masculine pinstripe trousers.

  I always need the tension in my outfits. Without it, I feel a bit meh.

• Interest
  All five outfits had something visually interesting going on: a bold colour, a strong silhouette, a texture.

• Cohesion: No items are solo sailors; there's some type of nod to each somewhere else in the outfit, even if it's very small!

• Balance
  Those ruffle sleeves do some quiet work for me. They add volume in just the right place — breaking up the top half when things are feeling a bit too straight or blocky.

• Repetition
  This wasn’t about coming up with five totally different looks. It was about playing with one thing I love and seeing how many ways I could make it feel like me. I

  IMO personal style isn't built through reinvention, but through remixing and tweaking what already works.

Till next time,

Sarah xoxo